My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

Archive for the ‘family’ Category

Cell phone story

Posted by Cauri on March 13, 2007

Since I’ve been spending most of my days alone with Bruno and heading off to school at night, I like to tire him out early in the day so I can get my studying done in the afternoon.  I’ve been taking him to the dog park a lot, because it’s great for him.  It’s great exercise, and it’s great for him to learn to play with other dogs.  We definitely don’t want a dog-aggressive Dobe.

About two weeks ago, we had a lot of rainfall, which caused a lot of snow melting.  I just didn’t want to bring Bruno to the dogpark because I didn’t want a muddy mess in my car.  So I brought him across town to some of the newly paved trails.  They were still pretty icy and snowy, but in my head I figured, at least it isn’t muddy.  Before I left my car, I faced the decision of what to bring with me–I decided just keys and cell phone.  Soon after we started walking, Ryan called me.  I hung up with him just as Bruno and I hit an icy bridge.  Of course Bruno started tugging me, and of course my feet slipped on the ice, and of course my cellphone flew out of my hand and slid perfectly between the holes in the banister and into the stream below.

The water was flowing so rapidly, I knew there was no shot at getting my phone back.  I yelled at Bruno, I cried, and we stormed back to my car, where I yelled at him some more.  Bruno sighed, and slammed his body down, his head tucked under, and wouldn’t look at me.  I felt awful and drove him over to the dog park.  It wasn’t muddy, nobody was there, and we spent an hour chasing each other around.

Verizon refused to give me a new phone without proof of damage or without a police report, so after debating for two weeks (I actually loved living without a cell phone, because I’ve been so sick of having six new messages every time I turned it on), last night my dad and I headed down to the bridge where I dropped it.  And there was my phone, sitting in the stream, right where I left it.  My agile dad made his way over and under sticks and pricker bushes down to the side of the stream.  He found a perfectly curved stick and started trying to reach my cell phone.  Six different people stopped on the bridge to laugh at us and tell us we wouldn’t be able to do it.  My dad proved them wrong.  He’s my hero.

Advertisements

Posted in Daily Life, family | Leave a Comment »

Life in general

Posted by Cauri on March 13, 2007

Life has just been going too fast lately. And it’s weird, because in a way, I’m actually loving it. It’s full speed ahead to the end of my college career, to the end of my babysitting career, to a real life in the real world.

Last week I had a great night out with Lauren for her birthday. It was some very much-needed girl time, where we could just talk about the things that really matter in our lives. It was a lot of fun to hang out with her, and it brought back all sorts of memories. We had dinner together and then just drove around (since she locked herself out of her apartment) and then we ate sundaes at Friendly’s. It’s so weird that she’s a girl that quickly became my best friend when we met when we were 11 years old. She turned 23 two weeks ago.

The following week, my dad and brother took off to Tennessee for my dad’s work, leaving me and Ryan home with the Brunster for four days. It was a great weekend for the three of us, bonding in ways we hadn’t experienced before, Ryan and I acting as the parents, and Bruno, our little pride and joy. We loved taking him out everywhere and showing him off, to people in the park and to admirers at Petsmart. The three of us cuddled in bed at night, Bruno pushing his little nose to our lips when he had to go out, and then dashing straight back to bed to snuggle back to sleep. When my family came home Sunday night, it was sad. Watching Bruno race around the house, completely ignoring the family we’d created that weekend. It was great practice for me and Ryan. Cooking our meals together at home, sneaking out for an hour to have time alone, only to race back because we missed Bruno. We’re so ready to have a life and a family together.

Bruno’s been mostly my responsibility lately anyway, since my brother decided to take on a part-time job (in addition to his business) and then stay out late every night. But yesterday, Bruno hurt his little leg jumping out of bed with my brother in the morning. Brett put him in my bed and then headed off to work, and for four hours the puppy just cried and cried and cried. I thought he just missed Brett, maybe he was just tired and needed cuddling. Until I realized he had hurt his leg. The rest of the day was spent carrying the 60-pound baby to and from the car, to and from the vet’s, to and from the couch. X-rays showed nothing was wrong, so he was drugged and returned to us. He cried for three more hours until he finally passed out. When he woke up around 9:00 last night, he was suddenly cured. He was racing madly around the house, tossing around every toy he could find, eager to make up for the day he lost. He’s in the same mood today. He’s fine. I wish I could say the same about my back.

Posted in Daily Life, doberman, family, relationships | Leave a Comment »

What they don’t tell you about doberman puppies

Posted by Cauri on December 21, 2006

This Bruno thing is wiping me out! I don’t have much time to write this, because who knows how long that puppy will be asleep, but I thought I should just make a quick list to sum up my past week.

Things They Don’t Tell You Before You Agree to Buy a Doberman Pinscher Puppy:

1. He will cry and shriek and bark and howl nonstop for the first three nights in his new home, waking up everyone in the neighborhood.

2. You will need to stuff tampons in his ears and re-tape them to stick up on top of his head every three days for the first six-eight months of his life.

3. Even in a household that consists of three adults, each taking turns to care for the new puppy, nobody will feel refreshed and energized when it is their turn again. Everyone walks around with bags under their eyes. Everyone is snappy. Everyone is exhausted.

4. Out of all of his “tough” toys, his favorite will be the rainbow-colored squeaky toy, so you might want to prepare yourself for the 24-hours of rhythmic squeaking a day.

5. This big, tough, ferocious dog will cower when he hears certain life-threatening noises, like the sound of a schoolbus driving down the street, or the sound of somebody making ice in the kitchen, three rooms away.

6. The same big, tough, ferocious dog will only sleep soundly if he falls asleep in a cozy lap and is carefully carried to bed. He will then need four soft kisses on the back of his neck and will need to hear what a “good, sweet boy” he is, whispered in his ear.

7. And because we have a “super” doberman pinscher (i.e. he will grow to be 120 lbs.), he needs to eat a lot, which means he needs to exericse a lot. This we knew. What we didn’t know was that in the middle of a long walk, in the middle of the woods, our strong little puppy, who a minute ago was running at lightning speed, will just give up. He will lay his adorable little puppy body down in the middle of the path, and you will need to scoop him up, carry him up the large hill, and all the way home. You will then need to carry him to his bed and repeat the second half of #6.

If you couldn’t already tell, Bruno has completely changed my life.  And he is absolutely adored =)

Posted in Daily Life, doberman, family | 3 Comments »

dreams for Christmas

Posted by Cauri on November 29, 2006

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been freaking out about xmas gifts this year.  I’ve made neverending lists, most of which look exactly the same.  There are so many things that I want to get for my dad and my boyfriend, the two people who have stuck by me through everything I’ve gone through in the last year.  The only people on the planet that I can look in the eyes and confide anything to, even (and probably most importantly) when I feel like I’ve failed.  The two people who have showered me in so much love and compassion and have constantly gone out of their way to make sure I’m happy.  I never thought that Christmas would get me into that “I have to spend as much money as possible” routine, but it’s really got me into this mood of, “This is my chance to show them how much I appreciate everything.  This is my chance to show them how well I know them.  This is my chance to really make them feel happy and appreciated.”  

Last night I cleaned out my room.  Like really cleaned out my room.  Threw out seven full garbage bags of crap, a lot of which were letters and lots of old crap from my old bedroom in Hackettstown, where I lived the first nine years of my life, through my freshman year at college in Pennsylvania.  The only thing I held onto were stories and poems that I’d written, (Many dating back to second grade).  I found so many letters from old friends, and even letters from my dad, and although his letters are always very simple, it’s always obvious how much he loved me, how much he has taken care of me.  It was hard to throw out a lot of things, and anything that made me cry I put in a box–But I limited myself to one single box of memories.  Anyway, it sounds cheesy, but looking through that box is what matters.  Fancy christmas gifts do not matter.  I realized that by putting together meaningful gifts from the heart that show how much I appreciate my dad and my boyfriend, it will strike them as more of a loving & meaningful present.

When I finished cleaning my room, I came downstairs, and there was an envelope with the words “For Courtney” typed on the front.  Inside was $400.  From my dad.  I burst into tears and didn’t want to take the money, but my dad said he couldn’t stand to see how stressed out I’ve been and how much this has been affecting me.  He said he knows how badly I want to get Ryan great presents and he said he wanted to help me in any way possible. 

I’m going to use the money for really great things for my dad for around the house.  There are so many things he could use (a new dvd player, a coffeetable) and there are additional things that will make him happy (like Devils tickets).  My gazillions of lists have come in handy, because with the money left over I’m going to order my brother a bunch of presents (that can be from my dad) and, of course, I will be able to get Ryan the dream gift that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to afford.  It may seem weird that I’m basically getting my dad gifts with his own money, but isn’t it really the thought that counts?  He’s going to be so surprised by what I have in mind for him, and it’s things that he would never buy for himself because he’s always putting us first.  I’m just so thrilled, and I feel like all of my Christmas dreams are becoming reality.

Posted in Daily Life, family, Love, memories, relationships | Leave a Comment »

I am completely fine

Posted by Cauri on October 26, 2006

Two weeks ago, I was tempted to write a post about deer. Whenever I drive home from S&G’s house, the deer are usually roaming about (11pm seems to be their prime time). I always creep along the road, pausing to make eye contact, to make sure each deer realizes that I’m there. I’ve developed this sort of connection with them. When I notice them creeping through the long grass, making their way to the side of the road, I will them away. I stop my car, pause to admire them, and usually they glance up at me, eye me curiously, and turn back. I normally see anywhere from 10 to 20 deer on the ten-minute drive to my house, and I’ve just gotten in this routine of creeping, of admiring, of willing them away, and continuing home.

Let me begin by saying, yesterday was a rotten day to begin with. An unpredictable, awful day. I set my alarm for 6am, planning to wake up and refresh my mind on my oceanography terms, to have a cup of coffee and a full breakfast, and to head off to take my 8:30 oceanography exam in a jolly mood.  Reality: Ryan called me at 7:45, asking why I hadn’t left my house yet. I panicked, scrambled to take a shower, ripped a button off my favorite jeans, raced to pour coffee down my throat, was greeted by my Surprise! early period, and walked into class 45 minutes late, to learn that, indeed, the exam had been postponed to next week.  The day was filled with these irregularities, but I thought nothing of it.  I continued about my day.  I was happy. 

Last night I was originally supposed to babysit for S&G, but they got bumped to Thursday.  Last night I headed out to babysit in Rockaway.  As I was driving home, I turned my music off.  I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.  I wanted to clear my head.  I wanted to soak up the silence.  Two minutes of soaking up the silence was interrupted by a female deer, galloping straight into my car. 

I did not even have time to react.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw her head bobbing up and down enthusiastically, as I realized she was right about to smack into the hood of my car.  I slammed on the brakes and was terrified by the screech.  She flipped onto the hood.  Her back grazed the windshield, coming straight for my face.  My car halted, she slid underneath.  I screamed.  I put the car in reverse and gunned it.  I didn’t know where I was going, but I couldn’t look forward.  I couldn’t stand to look at the sight of a precious life taken by me.

As I flew backwards down the road, I noticed her two relatives, standing on the side of the road, staring at me, horrified.  They couldn’t figure out what happened.  They couldn’t figure out who or what I was.  I stared at them.  I didn’t know what happened either.  How could she not have seen me?  was all I was thinking.  In front of me, the deer started looking around maniacally.  She struggled to stand.  Then she scampered off into the woods, away from her relatives.  Part of me wanted to follow her.  To find her.  To make sure she understood that I never meant to hurt her.  I wanted to throw up.  She could’ve come through the windshield.  I could’ve been killed.  I’m completely fine. I pulled myself together.  I called Ryan and very calmly told him what had happened, and that I was completely fine.  My car was still running.  I didn’t want to get out and look at the damage.  I didn’t want to know if the deer was laying dead on the other side of those trees.  I just wanted to go home.  My dad would check the car for me before I got out.  I called to make sure that he would.

Driving home, I slammed on my brakes at the sight of every rustle of every leaf on every tree.  I averted three more deer, crossing the street right by my house, and I sat there in the darkness for a long time afterward, just in case a fourth deer scurried across at the last minute.  I waited there until another car pulled up behind me and flashed his highbeams. 

When I pulled up the street, my dad came out with a huge flashlight.  I was prepared for the worst–A bloody massacre on the hood of my car, everything dented, fur flying all around.  My dad started mouthing, “Where did it hit you?”  I was confused.  I got out of the car.  I couldn’t find any marks.  My dad located two little scratches, and some fur scattered here & there.  My car was completely fine.  I was completely fine.

I can’t tell you what that phrase means to me right now.

I am completely fine.

Posted in Daily Life, family, Ugh | Leave a Comment »

an unconditional love

Posted by Cauri on June 27, 2006

Last night my dad, brother, and I actually all stayed home together.  We all lounged around the living room, watching tv, and sharing hilarious stories for a couple hours.  It was a lot of fun and something I think we all really missed.  I realized that my brother going off at me the night before–It was because i really haven’t made time to just hang around with them in a very long time.  I guess it’s hard, growing up, and figuring out who you are, independent from your family.  When we were younger, my brother and I clung to each other because we went through everything together.  We were always really close, because we were the only constants we had in each other’s lives (Of course we had our parents, but bouncing from mom’s house to dad’s house, your sibling is the only one that is always with you).  And even though we are so different from each other, and if we met each other in any other way, we would never even talk to each other, let alone actually be friends, we stilll have an amazing closeness that I realize most people don’t have with their siblings.  My 20-year-old brother still tells me he loves me every time he heads out the door, every time he hangs up the phone.  That’s something most people don’t even do with their parents anymore.  I guess last night was just one of those moments, where i realized, no matter what decisions I make in life, no matter where I end up, I will always have this.  This amazing, close family who will cling to each other through anything. 

Posted in Daily Life, family | 2 Comments »