My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)


Posted by Cauri on April 17, 2007

The VA tech incident has really shaken me up.  I don’t usually let stuff like this get to me.  I live in NJ.  We’re trained not to respond to these sorts of things.  Stuff happens.  You suck it up and move on.  It’s just so devastating.  I’ve come close to puking a number of times.

I was driving out to school last night, worried about assignments and upcoming class discussions, as I listened to the whole VA story on the radio.  It just ripped me apart.   I guess it really hit home.  These good, innocent, young people, just had everything taken from them.  Most of them probably battled with the idea of even getting out of bed and heading to class early yesterday morning.  Those who did were probably nervous about a presentation or were worried about a fight they just had with their boyfriend.  Others probably wandered to class elated and eager to graduate in less than a month.  God, I can’t even imagine the turn of events.  Going from focusing on what your teacher’s saying, to suddenly fighting for your life.

I heard somebody on the radio speaking about how they had to call the family members of the victims, and I was just bawling.  I just kept thinking, what the hell would my father do if he got that call?  What about Ryan?  If they had to look at my body… Lifeless me in Ryan’s sweatshirt and the sneakers my dad just bought me last week, my valentine’s heart necklace dangling around my neck.  I almost couldn’t bring myself to go to school.

I just can’t get over it.  These young, cheerful people, full of dreams, focused on getting out of school and getting their lives started.  How dare one insensitive prick take that away from them.  Why does this happen?  Why does one miserable person seek to destroy so many others?  I guess as a future psychologist, I should look into these sorts of things.


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