My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

I am no one’s little sister

Posted by Cauri on December 15, 2006

    The major thing that stresses me to the extreme is that I still don’t know how to say “No” to people. As in, “No, I cannot babysit for you today because I have to study for finals.” No, I don’t know how to say that. I have no idea why it terrifies me. I have such anxiety over it. I need to get past that and realize it’s ok for me to focus on my own life once in a while.

Along the same lines, I’m having major issues with one mom that I babysit for. I’ve probably babysat for her a whopping 3 or 4 times, because her son is such a doll, I just love goofing around with him. But the woman is very self-centered, very obnoxious, but has sucked me in. I am now dubbed her “little sister”. Whenever we go somewhere, she is able to piss off and/or offend more people in five minutes than I’ve ever witnessed before. And then it’s usually proudly announced that I am her little sister. Even in her home, she’s constantly offering unsolicited advice, but whenver I jump in and try to say how I feel/how I think/or anything that’s going on in my life, it goes in one ear and out the other.

Yet despite how much this woman embarasses me (And/or pisses me off), I still really adore her son. So I was going to get him a Christmas gift. I, for some reason or another, mentioned this to her, and she immediately rattled off a list of things he needs! (All costing $20-30) I was incredibly offended by this, because I babysit for a LOT of families (Most of whom pay me $13-15 an hour, while this woman only pays 8, once in a while, when she can bring herself to hand me the money…and even then, it’s $8 for an entire afternoon of babysitting). There are about ten families that I’m very close with (whose parents have not dubbed me “little sister” and who do not offend and/or piss me off.) So I have no idea how many children that amounts to…20? 30? But I cannot afford to spend that much on each of them. I’ve been grabbing books out of Borders bargains, and these are gifts that have sufficed every year, even for the kids that I’ve babysat for 3+ years now. I am NOT going to spend more on a child that I’ve only babysat a couple of times. It just isn’t fair. I told her through gritted teeth that I would need to look around and see what I could find.

I guess in writing it comes through pretty clearly that I can’t really stand this woman. But I feel bad for her, because I know how lonely she is. She just needs company, she just needs attention. And miraculously, her son is such a little doll. So I guess what I’m wondering is, should I just cut this woman out of my life? Or do i wait for the day when I snap and say everything that’s on my mind? Do I tell her I can’t do this “free babysitting” thing anymore? Do I just stop calling her back?

Wow, this entry was going to be about Ryan’s cheerful birthday. I think I’m going to need to post again. Obviously this woman was stressing me out way more than I realized.

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