My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

A bun

Posted by Cauri on November 4, 2006

This morning I’m babysitting locally for someone who has this *really big deal* thing to do for work.  So I stayed home last night, got some beer, and watched Meet the Parents with my dad.  The movie kept being interrupted by my brother who was doing Borat impressions, and we got sidetracked into a convo about the movie, and my dad mentioned that he read that it’s rated R for many things, and among them there’s animal cruelty.  So I’m on protest, of course, but Ryan & his friends wanted to see the movie tonight, which is totally fine by me.  I have no real desire to see this…Actually, there’s a good chance i throw up at movies like this…So I might just take the animal cruelty excuse and run with it.  We’re still going to some party in the city at 3, so I guess we’ll just see where the day leads us. 

The other news my brother gave us is that my 20-year-old cousin is pregnant.  Now, my first reaction is a pretty common one….She has no common sense!  What is she thinking?  She doesn’t have any money.  Her parents don’t even have money!  Is she even in love?  Please tell me she’s “taking care of it”!  My brother just shook his head.  Apparently she went to the doctor three times in five months to find out, so that she could “take care of it” but they kept saying, “Nope, nothing to worry about!”  Until that five-month-marked rolled around, ya know, that line that marks, “No turning back now,” and now she’s having a baby.

That sent all sorts of terror through my spine, because, Can that really just happen like that?  To anybody?  But I think if something like that happened to me & Ryan, we’d be ok.  I mean, besides the fact that I’ve already been tested on every situation that can happen in the first five years of a child’s life, I also babysit a gazillion families who could loan me all sorts of baby stuff to get me through the first two years, (Hello hand-me-downs, high chairs, bouncers, and swings), and money-wise we would be ok.  Granted, that money would be coming solely from Ryan for a year, but I just think that it would be ok.  That maybe it would just be “meant to be.”  So I’m trying to take that mentality and apply it to my cousin, but it just isn’t working.  I almost can’t believe that adoption is out of the question, but I guess I wouldn’t be able to give up my baby either. 

And (Ryan, stop reading) a part of me also feels like, Man, I can’t wait for that to be me!  A snuggly wuggly cuddly huggly sweet little baby to snuggle and love 24/7?  But I know I’m not ready…I’m enjoying this life with Ryan, and I could enjoy it for another couple years.  And above all else, I do treasure my sleep.  And I want to be completely ready for a child.  That child is going to have its own room in our house before it comes anywhere near this belly. 

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