My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

A lot of good

Posted by Cauri on November 3, 2006

Today I’ve had a lot of nothing to do.  I can’t really stand myself when I get mopey and cranky, but I guess everybody slips into that mood sometimes.  As much stress as I’ve been under, I have a lot of good in my life too. 

Things with Ryan have just been incredible lately…I’m dying to move in with him.  I can’t imagine how much fun we would have spending every day together.  There was one day last week when I went over his house 2 hours before he got home, just so I could do some homework, and it was so exciting hearing the door open and watching him come home…I loved being there already to greet him.  We took a trip to Baltimore two weeks ago…I’ve just been waiting to get more pics from him to upload in here before I wrote about it…but, as this was his last week at work, he’s had a lot on his mind.  But it was a lot of fun to have a mini-escape, right before my midterms & everything.  This morning, I just sat here and looked through all 700 of our pictures from Maine, and I really miss being there….I miss having Ryan at my side 24 hours a day…I miss the exciting, adventurous climbs to the tops of mountains…I miss goofing off, I miss sharing every second of every day…I miss turning a corner and being shocked by the views of the mountains…Sometimes I look at myself in the pictures and I can’t believe how happy I look.  I remember everything I felt in those pictures…I was living for the moment…And Ryan was the only thing that mattered. 

I’ve got to start living like that more often.  Treating each moment like it counts, treating each day like it matters.  I’ve been eating much healthier, (I just went for a run), and I’ve been trying, really trying to keep a positive attitude all day, every day.  Of course sometimes I lapse…I look at my empty bank account and panic over upcoming bills…I freak out over upcoming tests….But the big picture is becoming clearer.  I only have a month left in this semester.  I’m really doing this.  I’m almost done.  I’m so much closer to living with my soulmate…of waking up every morning and being greeted by his warm, fuzzy smile and soft little kisses.  I’m so much closer to some of my lifetime goals, my biggest dreams.  Sometimes I look around and can’t believe how lucky I am…how happy I am…and then I remind myself to live for this, to live for these moments, Always.

 

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