My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

I want a real life

Posted by Cauri on October 3, 2006

It is always so difficult to get the week started up again, after a weekend glued to Ryan’s side.  My weeks have just been so jam-packed.  I’ll do anything to just get good grades, to pay my bills, to graduate.  By the time I get to Ryan’s on Friday, I’m totally burnt out.  By Sunday, I’m caught up again, I’m myself again, and then on Monday I have to start the vicious cycle over again.  I am, however, glad that time is flying by.  September is already over.  I’m doing great in all of my classes, I’m enjoying the kids I’m working with, and my relationship with my boyfriend is spectacular.  So what am I really complaining about anyway?

Just minor frustrations I guess.  I just want to graduate already.  I’m getting really annoyed at how vague graduation requirements have been throughout this whole process, how I feel like every semester it suddenly changes, how in May they absolutely won’t accept a certain class, and then by September it’s accepted, with little or no effort on my part.  On the other hand, I’ve already taken two religion classes and now I’m suddenly required to take a third, to complete some imaginary category.  It’s just been a big mess.  I’m told I need 24 more credits.  I’m fighting to get that number down to 18, because I don’t really see the point in studying Jesus for a third time (Unless this is somebody’s idea of a joke), and there’s also a psych personality class that isn’t being accepted, for whatever random reason.  So now I’m looking at graduating by August (I wanted to punch my advisor in the nose), but I should only have 4 more psychs (just the topic psyhs, my major coursework is complete) and 2 other random bullshit Jesus classes, which I will try to squeeze into the spring, but just in case my Jesus requirement remains unfilled, I will apply for graduation in August.

And there is my plan.  I realize it’s my own fault, for never having a plan, for spending half of my college career trying to find an easy way out.  I’ve always hated school.  Hated the routine of spending hundreds of dollars on books every couple months.  Hated dragging myself out of my soft comfy princess bed and into my car, to pay daily for parking, to wander around a freezing campus, to be annoyed by how many people were around, to be pissed off at professors, to feel like I wasn’t making any progress.

It’s been hard for me since I came back home, to be surrounded by friends who were done with school, who already had jobs and lives and happiness of their own.  I was always so envious of that.  Now I’m seeing the bigger picture.  If I take it in chunks, if I take it a few months at a time, I can already see how I’m making progress.  And a year from now, I can have a real job and a real life too.


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