My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

just having an “off” season

Posted by Cauri on September 26, 2006

I always seem to be a little “off” in the fall.  Once my sinuses cleared up and I was able to rejoin the human race, my computer caught a virus, and therefore refuses to acknowledge my keyboard.  It’s insanely frustrating, and now I can only use my dad’s or Ryan’s computer, which is just a little inconvenient, especially since I’m taking 2 online classes.  My E-Z pass also decided to stop working, and now i owe $100 in tickets.  Oh and while we’re at it, throw another $250 into the car, because it needs new brakes.  And when was the last time i had my oil changed?  Yep, might as well get that done too.  This all comes immediately after I’ve quit my job and spent $500 on books for school.  I hate fall.

I’ve been doing a lot of babysitting lately.  A lot.  To the point where I’m constantly running from school to someone’s house to someone else’s house to my house to pass out, to wake up tomorrow and do the same thing.  Not having money is killing me, not seeing my boyfriend is killing me, not seeing my friends is killing me, not spending time just doing nothing is killing me.  If I couldn’t escape to Bayonne once in a while, I’d probably be insane. 

But, the time I do get to spend with my boyfriend has been incredible lately, since we’re just living in the moment, being completely wrapped up in each other and not thinking about anything else.  I’ve been reminding myself that this is what matters.  That this is the point.  That this is why I’m beating myself up all week long, just to have a few moments of calm with my love.  I keep telling myself that if I work a little hard for a little bit longer, then maybe next year he can be all mine.  I can’t wait to live with Ryan.  I daydream about it a lot lately.  I love the way we fall asleep together, scratching, rhyming, talking Italian…I love making him happy, I love making him feel safe.  I love when he holds me and kisses my cheeks.  I always dreamed someone would hold me like that.  I can’t believe I found him, my perfect companion.


One Response to “just having an “off” season”

  1. Ryan said

    Sweetly, you are my absolute perfect companion. I love you, and I am so proud of you.

    Just keep smiling, 🙂

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