My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

I’ve only just begun

Posted by Cauri on September 18, 2006

Last week was a little too hectic for my personal comfort.  There wasn’t a day that I didn’t have a full load of classes, followed by hours of babysitting, somedays finishing babysitting with one family only to drive to the next family’s house.  And Ryan’s been insanely busy with work, (which is something I’m completely not used to, since I’m usually able to call and ramble about the most minute of details, only to be told that I merely interrupted a nap or a marbles-rolling-across-the-desk-extravaganza).  But we’ve both been busy, which I guess is a good thing.  We are two independent people living two independent lives.  But god I miss him.

On Saturday I had to volunteer for another starbucks thing (the last “volunteer” opportunity i’m required to attend.)  I just had to play with a bunch of partners’ kids all day, while the parents painted a school in morristown, so it was somewhat fun…(Just some of the kids were weird and annoying and around 1:30 my friends from my old store found a way to sneak me out of there.)  My old boss came over to me, and we talked for a while, liked we used to, before our store was even built, and he was more of a friend than a boss.  And I told him that classes are beating me up already, and that I’m glad I’m not waking up at 4:30.  He asked what my plans are for the future, and I very matter-of-factly stated that I’ll be getting my psych degree in May, and then next fall I’ll be going for my masters in child advocacy, and from there, definitely more school, but i’m not sure if it’ll either be for law or more psychology, just as long as I’m helping kids.  He nodded enthusiastically and said that’s exactly what I should be doing, that he couldn’t think of a better place for me, that I just have such a natural instinct, such a passion for kids.  And i was really proud.  That this is the boss i sat next to in a meeting in May with my district manager, as they told me I’m such a strong asset to Starbucks, when they told me I could have my own store within a year.  And when I’d piped up in the meeting that my passion was children’s rights, it was met with a “Well, you can find ways to incorporate that into your job with Starbucks!”  I’d almost considered taking a break from school, or at least cutting back on classes, because I was pretty much guaranteed a great job with benefits, good pay, and free coffee.  But I didn’t pay for four years of school just to have free coffee.

And it surprised me a little, how my subsconscious has this whole plan for me, and it spilled out to my boss, very neatly and precisely, and there was no room for doubt.  That this is my life, and I’m writing the script.

I went out to see Ryan yesterday, and I was overjoyed to actually have more than an hour or two to spend with him.  We went to a Spanish/tapas bar in Hoboken that we’d never been to before.  The quality of food was incredible.  I don’t think I stopped smiling from the second we sat down.  When we finished our seemingly-bottomless pitcher of Sangria, we went for a walk to the nearest Starbucks, and then sat down on a bench near the water.  We admired the New York skyline, as Ryan watched the dogs playing in the nearby dog run, and I sang some song from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and we shared an iced latte.  I looked over at my love, this incredible person who’s taught me so many things, from how to use chopsticks to how to believe in myself, and I just watched him for a minute.  He looked absolutely adorable, watching the dogs, occasionally commenting about how they just chase each other’s butts around. 

And I thought, Look at this.  This is my life.  And I’m writing the script. 

And I’ve only just begun.

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One Response to “I’ve only just begun”

  1. Ryan said

    Love. You mean so much to me. This is how we should always be.
    From Acadia

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