My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

that’s it

Posted by Cauri on September 1, 2006

I dropped my cell phone one too many times from my locker at work, and now the thing refuses to charge, and i’ve been without a phone the past couple days.  Part of me says Screw it, i don’t need one anyway…I am kinda tired of always being tracked down…But that is how i land most of my babysitting jobs, that is how i keep in touch with people, and that is how i am able to call for help whenever my car breaks down and leaves me stranded somewhere.

Yesterday, I almost lost it at my very last storytime.  The place was packed, my manager (who’s never around) was there, along with the district manager, and as I realized, as the children piled into the floor and onto the blanket, that the last storytime the two of them were at was my very first one, of which a whopping three children attended.  Yesterday, I had a crowd of enthralled preschoolers, giggling histerically and pointing out every detail on every page, (With the occasional random “I just got Superman sneakers!” comment).  At the end, I was encircled by smiling little faces, thanking me, and handing me cards and little presents.  I thanked the moms that I’ve really gotten to know through this weekly meeting, I ogled the tiny babies whose big brothers & sisters had been coming for months,  I had an audience of preschoolers as I swept the cookie crumbs off the floor, and then I left my pile of books and gifts on one of the front tables, as I headed into the backroom, put my head down on the desk, and cried a little.  I called Ryan from the phone back there, just whispered, “This is so hard,” and rushed off the phone. 

I went back out front to finish compiling things, when a girl I work with came trailing behind me with the phone.  “Who is it?”  She shrugged and handed me the phone.  I hesitated.  After spending the week dealing with teenagers who suddenly couldn’t come in, I dreaded who could be trying to track me down now.  “This is Courtney,” I finally said.  Ryan’s voice came back, “I love you.”  Oh, it melted me, that was exactly what I needed to hear.  He promised me I’d find so many more things like this, that’ll make me happy, that I’ll look forward to doing, that I’ll be great at.  “Thank you, I love you so much,” I said. 

I loaded everything up and into my car, for the last time, and slammed the trunk.  I went back inside to finish the day.  And somehow I got suckered into opening this Sunday?  But I need to straighten that out today, because tonight is my last night.  And that’s it!

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