My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

what matters

Posted by Cauri on August 30, 2006

Yesterday was my last day working with Amy, my closest (my only?) true friend at Starbucks.  She’s one of those people that you only know one of in your lifetime.  The kind of girl who can make anybody laugh, who can shave her head and still look cute.  The kind of girl who stands up for what she believes in, and when people say upon leaving, “Have a nice day, ladies,” yells in return, “Don’t call me ladies!!”  The kind of girl who goes out of her way to do nice little things (like buy me a ducky) just to make somebody else’s day better.  The kind of friend who hugs you, when you’re drunk and crying because of a fight with your boyfriend, and tells you that you’re the sweetest person they know, that things will work out, that there’s nothing to stress about, and her words make everything better, because you know that she means it.  The kind of friend who risks being felt up by an old man, just so that you have a minute to sort things out in your own drunken stupor.  The kind of friend who doesn’t care if you’re 20 minutes late to work in the morning, but only cares that you make it there safely.

It hit me yesterday, on my way out the door, that I spend so much of my life running, instead of enjoying.  I spent the last month thinking about quitting, stressing about quitting, how to do it/when to do it…That i didn’t think about what it’d be like to actually be gone.  I’ve been much happier lately, no doubt, these last 2 weeks have been cheerful & breezy.  But what will next Monday feel like, when my body automatically wakes up at 4:30, and i have to force myself back to sleep until 7?  What will happen next Thursday when I don’t show up for storytime?  What will happen to my friends at Starbucks? 

I guess there are a few things I’ll have to keep in mind….Not to let myself get wrapped up in drama & negativity, not to let myself take too much on & feel like I’m suffocating…To let myself tell people “No” sometimes…To stand up for myself, to make time for my friends & family…To live my life & enjoy it, instead of stressing over little things that a month from now…a year from now….Won’t matter. 

And to revel in the things that do.

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