My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

thank you for staying true to yourself

Posted by Cauri on July 25, 2006

I’m still having a hard time adjusting to life after Maine.  It truly was a life-altering vacation.  It changed both me and Ryan, how we view our relationship, how we view each other, and how we view life.  When we first started dating, we’d fight a lot over stupid things, but when we fought, we fought.  We’re both stubborn people with tempers.  I’ve always been a little more peace-loving in nature, and i used to beg Ryan to meditate with me, or to try yoga, but he’d always refuse.  I honestly thought the relationship wouldn’t last because spiritually, we just didn’t line up.  Of course, we’ve become so much closer, we’ve established a much deeper relationship…but nothing compares to working your butts off together in the heat & humidity, working as one, spending hours climbing a mountain, to reach a peak and soak up the silence.  It’s moments like those when you realize just how much nothing really matters.  How the stress of your daily life that you carry on your shoulders and feel like you’ll never escape floats away when you’re sitting and breathing and just taking in all that’s around you.

Last Friday I sat in traffic for 3 hours on the way to Ryan’s house (which is 20 miles away).  I was starving, I had a headache, I was tired, I was low on gas.  I had groceries in the car for the romantic meal I wanted to cook for him and they were getting warm.  We were going to miss the movie i so desperately wanted to see.  It was hot, it was raining, and I was tired of moving an inch every ten minutes.  Ryan called me, and I snapped at him.  I yelled and I cursed and I lost it all.  I ripped into him, expecting him to fight back.  And instead he calmly explained to me that it wasn’t fair that I was taking out my anger and frustration on him.  That he was frustrated too.  He told me to remember what we realized in Maine.  That “stress is manufactured in the self”, that “we can’t get upset or stressed out over things that aren’t in our control”.  I felt like a three-year-old throwing a tantrum.  I couldn’t believe my super mature boyfriend and the things he was saying.  I couldn’t believe how much he’s grown, how much we’ve grown as a couple.  In that instant, I was proud of him, for standing up to me, for continuing to live the lifestyle he vowed to live in Maine. 

I’ve been trying to implement it more in my everyday (obviously my boyfriend’s been more successful than me), but when it comes to work, or bills, or mothers who steal your money…Sometimes it’s smart to just take a step back, away from it all.  It’s so much easier to look down on your problems and realize how insignificant everything is when all you’re focused on is being true to yourself and the ones that you love.


One Response to “thank you for staying true to yourself”

  1. Timothy said

    A penny soul never came to twopence. Timothy.

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