My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

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  • June 2006
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to just be

Posted by Cauri on June 20, 2006

I'm having a hard time being away from my boyfriend lately.  I never thought I'd be this dependent on someone.  I guess mondays have always been a difficult adjustment for me…it just isn't getting any easier.  I definitely don't want to rush into anything, i just really miss him when we're apart for the week.  Seeing each other for a two-hour date in the middle of the week just doesn't cut it.  I just miss him so much more after seeing him so briefly. 

I think it just amazes me how well we fit together, how much we complement each other.  Sometimes i'm amazed by just how well he knows me.  Last week he picked out a book for me that I absolutely love.  It's written by a shaman basically about how we've lost touch with nature, and it's just something that i would've definitely picked up for myself if i ran across it.  It's really pertinent to everything i've been feeling and experiencing lately.  I've really been focusing on that connection, between love and nature, really immersing myself in what feels right at the moment…Focusing on just living, Just being, and letting everything else go…

Yesterday was the perfect day at ryan's house.  We went for a drive to whole foods and found ingredients for a delicious healthy dinner.  When we came back home, I did an hour of yoga while ryan made me dinner.  And it just amazed me.  First of all, the mood i'm in after yoga…I'm already completely subdued…I'm completely aware of my body and I'm completely at peace with my environment.  And ryan…he is just an amazing cook.  And it really surprised me, how he just knows the kind of flavors i love, how he can just throw things together for an incredible taste.  He grilled tuna for us…with different spicy flavorings for him…with lime & garlic for me.  And the wild rice was just incredible…with onions & tomato & garlic…it was just really incredible.  The food was so delicious, and it meant so much that he just knew exactly how to make it for me.  We're really just so in tune with each other. 

I think that's what makes it so difficult to be away from him.  To be back to operating in this mundane, routine life, just struggling to get through another year, to finally be able to let go, to enjoy, and just be.

One Response to “to just be”

  1. Nichole said

    Hi there! Thanks for stoppin by my blog!

    Though I haven’t read any other entries of yours yet, I can definately relate to you on so many different wavelengths. My husband, before he was my husband, was just my boyfriend. His mother hated the idea of us dating (this was in high school) and we only saw each other once a week because of her rules. Then he joined the Coast Guard and is now deployed for a month at a time for 4 months out of the year.

    I sympathize with the heartache you’re experiencing and while it doesn’t necessarily get better, it does become easier to ignore.

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