My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

new perspective

Posted by Cauri on June 15, 2006

I can't believe it's the middle of june already.  I feel like summer's already flying by.  I've just been so busy.  I'm starting to have a hard time at work.  I still love my job, i still love my boss & everything, and I'm having a lot of fun with the things I'm planning (with storytime & game nights).  But we're hiring so many new people, because we're losing so many great people.  A few are becoming assistant managers, so it's great for them, but i'm starting to see what it'll be like without them around.  And I don't like it.  We have too many middle-aged women who stand around and complain about how they expect so much more out of their lives.  It's nice to be in charge now, it's nice to have that higher perspective.  It's easier for me to direct people so that everything's getting done, and it's nice to have the freedom to walk away and move around.  It's very hard to deal with the same type of people everyday…and to have to direct the same time of people everyday…who are just miserable with their lives and don't really wanna be serving coffee.  It's interesting how i've connected with everyone more since i've been in the new role…since i really have to connect with everyone if we're going to get anything accomplished.  I feel like everyone respects me, everyone trusts me, everyone confides in me.  But they're also stressing me out, and i don't like the thought of everyone that i'm actually close with, everyone that i really get along with, and everyone i really look forward to working with, won't be here anymore in 2 months. 

I think I'm going to cut my hours way back in the fall, to maybe only 2 days a week, so that i can actually graduate.  I guess I was just standing around yesterday, really thinking about things, and i just know i'm meant to move onto something better.  I've really been drawn to special needs kids lately.  In the bookstore & library, that's all i've been picking up books about.  Yesterday, when i was standing around in work, just finding mundane tasks that needed to be done, i was chatting with one of our regulars who was sitting at the bar.  We were talking about school and i was just saying i'm so ready to be done, to move on to something better.  He looked at me and just asked, "Have you ever worked with kids?"  I laughed and said "Yeah, that's all i've ever done."  Well, his sister is starting a program at an elementary school in mine hill, primarily focusing on socializing special needs kids.  She's just starting it up now, over the summer, but by next summer and into next fall, if it takes off, she'll be looking to higher lots of wonderful people.  It just gave me something to look forward to, and kind of confirmed that there is something better for me.

I may not be a grumpy middle-aged woman still serving coffee.

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