My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

Under my bed

Posted by Cauri on June 8, 2006

Yesterday I cleaned out my room.  And I mean, really  cleaned.  Instead of going through my usual actions of cleaning (just shoving things underneath my dresser and my bed), i actually moved the furniture all around so that i could clean under everything.  I found the most unusual items…things that made me have all sorts of flashbacks.  I found lots of pictures from highschool (& little notes from Lauren).  There were lots of pictures from albright (photos from taboo, sleighriding, walking dogs, and the night we spent outside.)  I found a picture of myself when i was 7, sleeping in bed with my cats symphony and bowtie.  This picture made me burst into tears.  I found myself sobbing over how much i still miss symphy.  And when i moved my dresser back, i had a random flashback of  being eight years old, and having my mother exlpain to me that my great grandmother, who'd just passed away, had left me all of her bedroom furniture.  And even though I'd been excited and thought it was really cool at the time, it sort of just struck me yesterday, how much I must have meant to her.  It was a gesture I'd never really thought about, or fully appreciated, even though I've been using her furniture for fourteen years now.

And then i found a random list that said: 

Sam adams holiday porter, 2 cakes, chairs, Write your love a letter

It was the list of last-minute things to do for ryan's birthday.  

It was kind of amazing, how much these little tidbits, these pieces of memories, really affected me yesterday.  Little fractions of my life have been collecting in my room, and i've never really taken the time to stop and reflect on them.  Sometimes i really just need to zone out and just remember,  to take the time to ruminate, to pause and reflect.

I never realized I just had to look under my bed.                                               

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One Response to “Under my bed”

  1. Ree said

    Ohhh, I don’t think I’ll look under my bed. I don’t want to go there. Too many memories. I drown in nostalgia.

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