My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

Moms and things

Posted by Cauri on May 4, 2006

The other night ryan & i had a weird encounter at Border's.  A very overly-friendly couple approached us and kind of singled us out (the girl approached me, the guy approached ryan) and kind of eased into a conversation…i mean, they seemed friendly at first, but then they just started asking all sorts of personal questions, one after another, after another, and all i kept thinking was, they're gonna either rob us or murder us.  It was very awkward.  We were both trying to think of ways to get away from them, and when we finally did leave, we ran out the door, so afraid of being followed.  It was way too eerie.  Nothing happened to us, but we felt so sick to our stomachs…The whole situation was just off. 

Yesterday i spent an hour on the phone with marianne, ranting about my mom because of things my cousin (the massage therapist) has been saying about me/the situation.  I think I'm going to write my mom a very long angry letter, listing every problem that i have with her (from the past and now) and stating basically that, she needs to come to terms and accept responsibility for everything she's done…All this stress she's putting the rest of us through (since she's lying and blaming other people for the drama and stress she's causing) and until she can accept responsibility, and, maybe grow up a little, that i really don't have any need to talk to her.  Apparently the rest of her family seems to think it's so cute that she sends me little trinkets and cards in the mail, to let me know she's thinking of me.  I've stopped opening her mail because it isn't cute.  Maybe that'd be great from a friend, but i could kind of use a mom.  It's just frustrating, and i think i'm starting to resent anyone who has a mom who knows how to be a mom.  I'm starting to get really frustrated with ryan's mom because i feel like she's way too mom-like, but i guess that's just what he's grown up with and it's what he's used to.  It's just that his mom is at the complete other extreme–where i feel like she is always there.  She's a real sweetheart and i know she means well it's just…i'm getting ready for him to be out on his own already.  But money and blahblahblah….anyway this is totally heading off-topic…

Last night i went out with marianne and we were just sitting, drinking, and talking, and we covered just about everything…But relationships-wise…I've realized, whenever i talk about my relationship with ryan, it just makes me so happy…Something about it, being able to discuss the cutesie sweet little things we do, how he makes me feel….but also being able to talk about what drives me nuts…I dunno, i left feeling very whole…and very lucky…and with a real appreciation for the loving relationship that i'm in.


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