My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

I think I’m growing up

Posted by Cauri on April 25, 2006

Something weird is happening to me.  I think I'm growing up.  Maybe this is the product of me actually being in a happy, secure, loving relationship for the first time in my life, but lately I've been having intense, grown-up-like cravings…Cravings for crazy kinds of things, like babies, houses, babies, puppies, more babies and spending the rest of my life beside the man i'm madly in love with.  I keep having all sorts of daydreams and fantasies of what it would be like.  I think it's something most girls experience the majority of their lives…but it's something i've just started doing recently.  I've always loved babies…Always…but lately, there's been an intense desire, like i cannot wait to actually have a baby of my own.  It's kind of maddening since mentally, and financially, my brain knows well enough that that's something that won't be happening for probably another eight years.  Yes, in eight years, a baby would be delightful.  But right now…not at all a possibility.  I wish my brain could understand that.  I can't help myself.  I look at them, i cuddle them, and i wish i had one of my own.  Sometimes I notice how angellic ryan looks when he's sleeping, and i think, I hope our babies look like him.  And he's so playful and adorable, i have fantasies of all the places we'll be able to bring our kids, how much fun we'll have.  And I feel like a madwoman actually writing about this, but it's like it came out of nowhere and i want to know if anyone else has experienced this!!  Is it just because I'm 22 now?  I'm practically, technically, pretty much an adult…and my body's saying, hey lady, it's time to settle down now…  Is it because i've met the love of my lfie?  Because of the way we take care of each other…because of the passion we have for each other…because of the energy we put into our relationship and our life together?   Because even on the most terrible of mornings, when i'm on the verge of falling apart, feeling like all i want to do is crawl back into bed and cry, Ryan can walk into the room, and i instantly know that everything will be ok…and when he holds me, All i can think is,

This is Love

and  

I'm so lucky. 

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2 Responses to “I think I’m growing up”

  1. tracie b said

    that’s wonderful! but listen to your brain–it’s surely telling you NO BABIES-TOO EARLY!

  2. […] I think I’m growing up […]

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