My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

“Just Being”

Posted by Cauri on March 29, 2006

Tonight was one of those nights that I will always remember.  After working at the mall all day, I was starving, and in desperate need for a little relaxation.  Ryan and I were throwing around ideas of going for a walk & then eating out somewhere healthy..but we couldn't really think of anything.  So on my way home from work, I called ryan and told him i decided i'm gonna make something, and i swung by the grocery store.  I was under strict time constraints (I'd have to be leaving my house to meet him in an hour), and i was starving, so concentration wasn't really working.  I grabbed a bunch of random ingredients that jumped out at me (and of course a little bit of sushi) and headed home.  I ended up throwing together a random (but tasty) salad (leafy greens, snap peas, and blueberries, with raspberry vinaigrette), and we had olive hummus on onion pitas (which was sooo delicious), and grilled garlicy salmon (except i didn't make ryan's garlicy enough and i forgot that some people like things like salt and pepper, and not just onions and garlic on everything).  We met each other at the little park behind his work, and we had a picnic.  He seemed happy, which kind of surprised me since it was the first time i ever made him anything.  I still don't know if he was just trying to be nice, but either way, it was kind of nice playing the domestic role for once…and I want to learn how to cook…i want to be able to eat healthier, and i'd love to be able to make healthy and tasty meals for us all the time. 

After dinner, we went for a walk…and then we ended up driving to another park around the corner.  We walked through some woods and came very close to deer, and that always excites me…when they're close enough to want to investigate you…  The little baby deer was absolutely adorable.  He seemed so excited to see us..he was constantly peeking back over at us.  It was really cute.  Then we ended up lying down on this little dock thing next to a pond, and it was one of the most tranquil moments of my life.  We were lying there, staring up at the clear blue sky (there literally were no clouds in sight)…and although we occasionally mentioned different things we saw, we didn't really even have to say anything.  It was just a moment of absolute calm…where, for those moments, we were, as my old yoga instructor would say, "just being".  I was tempted to meditate, and if i was alone, i would have, but then it struck me, that in those moments of absolute calm, that was probably the closest to a meditative state that ryan's ever been in.  And it made me so happy to be part of it. 

We'd been talking about going somewhere exciting for our one-year anniversary next month…We've tossed around every possibility, from the caribbeans, to california, maine, canada…..Just about everything.  But, i think it might be a better idea just to escape to somewhere where nobody will be able to find us.  Where we can just lie next to a lake and "just be".  Where he can do some fishing, i can do some writing/meditating, and we can just enjoy each other's company, just relax and not worry about anything.  Tonight brought us so close together…I can't imagine what a weekend of just being together would do for us.


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