My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

what i’m living for

Posted by Cauri on March 27, 2006

My boyfriend has been absolutely incredible to me lately…Well, he's been absolutely incredible to me always, but lately, he's just been the sweetest, mostly because i've really needed it.  I've just been stressed out lately, to the extreme.  I was feeling like I'd taken on way too much…like i'm in this endless cycle, like i won't break free.  Thursday night i just started feeling very overwhelmed…After being really mean & nasty to him, i broke down to him on the phone…crying histerically…And i will never forget what he said to me.  That I just need to figure things out, to find where i belong, to realize what i'm living for.  "I know what i'm living for," he said.  "I'm doing it.  Making you happy."  

We really only had sunday together, as a full day to spend with each other and just enjoy each other's company.  He told me he wants to go to ireland, as part of my bday gift.  He got some books in the mail, so we were looking through them together yesterday, deciding what kind of vacation we want to book, what we absolutely want to see, where we want to stay…It was all very exciting =)   Then we decided to go out for dinner, and it took a little while to decide where we wanted to go, but we chose Viatnamese.  We went out to some place in jersey city, but it was packed, so then we headed into hoboken for Thai.  We'd just ordered our food and started drinking our beer, when i noticed movement on the wall behind my boyfriend.  A nice little bug headed toward my love.  Ugh, i'm getting itchy again now just thinking about it.  But, it was definitely a roach, and Ryan definitely jumped out of his seat and we stormed out of the restaurant and lost our appetites, and it was a very horrifying experience.  After roaming around for a while, being totally disgusted, and very freezing, we just went to Johnny rockets, where, at least the food was being cooked out in the open.  It actually ended up being a very happy and love-filled experience.  Then we went home, drank our wine that we didn't get to drink the night before, and watched our shows (family guy & sopranos).  Then we stayed up kind of late, telling stories (talking really loudly, laughing really loudly), and it was a lot of fun—it kind of felt like a slumber party with your best friend.  This morning we woke up and on his drive out to work, we stopped in florham park.  He ran into the bagel store, and i ran into sbux, and we met back in his car for breakfast.  When we went our separate ways, i just started thinking, about how much i love all of these little routines we've created.  How we always have so much fun together.  How we spend so much time together doing such mundane things, but i still look at him like he's the most amazing person i will ever meet.  Those are the moments i'm living for.


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