My Only Way Out

(is to go so far in)

(oh, i love you)

Posted by Cauri on January 31, 2006

I just woke up from my nap (that’s what happens when you wake up at 4:30 for work =) and a huge grin stretched across my face, and I sighed, thinking, “Wow, he really will make me happy for the rest of my life.” Then I paused and was like, “uhh, what did i just dream about?” I can’t remember, but i do know it was about ryan, and we were incredibly happy.

During the first couple months we were dating, I used to have this fear that one day I’d wake up and realize it was all a delusion. Our relationship happened very randomly. Things just sort of unfolded around me, and even though I was swept off my feet, it was something I figured I’d better enjoy while it lasted, that there was no way this dream would last too long. I figured it’d be fun while it lasted, but would soon fizzle out, and ryan would only exist in my memory.

We’ve been together 9 months now, which still is a short time in the grand scheme of things, but it’s the most serious and secure relationship I’ve ever been in.  It’s very strange for me to be in a relationship like this. To know that there isn’t a chance that I’ll wake up tomorrow alone. Every day that goes by, our bond really does become stronger. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for him, there is nothing I would never tell him, and he literally does know me inside and out. He knows when something’s bothering me, before i’ll even admit it to myself. And he knows what makes me happy. It still amazes me that he always knows exactly what to do or say to make me feel better.

This whole relationship is so incredible. It’s not like we even have to try, we just complement each other so well. I think one amazing aspect is, when we’re together for a full weekend, our lives totally revolve around each other, and there isn’t a second that we’re apart. And then during the week, we go back to functioning in our “regular” lives, at work & school.  It is really difficult to be away from him, but we are still able to function independently, and I think that’s what really brings us closer together when we’re with each other again on the weekends. We’re dependent, but we’re not draining each other. But we do tell each other constantly throughout each day how much we mean to each other, how much we appreciate each other. We realize how lucky we are to have found each other…how lucky we are to be experiencing this…and it’s not something either of us is willing to take for granted. And I think that’s the secret…this security that I never imagined I could have in a relationship…knowing that neither of you is taking anything for granted…knowing that both of you would do anything to make this work…knowing that this love is developing every day…that nothing could ever possibly fizzle out when two people continue to feel even more strongly for each other every day of their lives.


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